Don't You Dare Give Up.

Have you ever heard the phrase, don't bite off more than you can chew? Yeah, well this whole week I've felt like I've been choking because if it wasn't one thing or another. As you might know we started a 6-week body transformation challenge and I was super pumped about it. I've always been on the more competitive side, I mean I was put in organized sports when I was 8 years old, so my competitiveness started young.  To get my best results yet I thought I would up the amount of times I would go to the gym each week, seemed like a good idea. I told myself I would start going 6 days a week instead of the usual 3/4 days. I would totally see more results faster, and it could only help in this competition. The first week I think I went to 5 classes, I thought I was going to die. I was so tired, every single day. But I told myself I would push through it. And to add on top of that I started to notice my lower back was getting irritated but no pain, no gain right? I just ignored it and kept pushing myself. Over that weekend my back was getting more and more agitated, but I thought if I used a heating pad and took some ibuprofen I would be good. Obviously my body was telling me to slow down but I just kept pushing, I was fine, or so I thought.

On Monday we started week two of the challenge and I was still some what pumped about it, lets do this! Yeah, that ended when I slept through my alarm and missed my class. And of course, there I was trying to justify it by saying oh my back has been bad, so it's a good thing I missed the class. Oh, if only I had listened to myself and took another day off. The week went on and I went to my usual classes. I was in a little bit of a funk earlier of the week, but when I look back on it I should have just listened to my guts and more importantly the message my body was telling me. Friday morning, woke up ready for my classes, got dressed and headed out the door. When I walked in I was informed that I had actually signed up for the 8am class, not the 9am one but they let me in the class anyway. They said if everyone showed who signed up for the class, they would just pull me out. She would rather pull me out than have me miss the first 15 minutes of the class. All the treadmills were taken so I made my way to the rower. I strapped myself in and began. One row. Two row. Three row. Four row. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. My lower back went tight. I mean so freaking tight. With the pain hitting me all of a sudden I did that whole thing, where you kinda jump up, and attempt to walk if off. Like hello, that doesn't work, this wasn't going to go away by walking it off. I went into the lobby and sat down. That's when the tears started flowing. Yes it hurt that bad. And I think I was also scared because I literally could not move with this excruciating pain going all through my lower back. 

After 30 minutes of icing it and having one of the front desk attendees trying to calm me down, I waddled my way out to my car and drove home. I have never been more uncomfortable driving a car than I did in that moment. I dread making those right hand turns. I finally got home and with some final tears drying up headed to my bed with an ice pack and a muscle relaxer. Toss and turning I finally found a "comfortable" position and fell asleep. Lets be honest, I thank the relaxer for helping me pass out. I woke up expecting to feel better but no, I was far from it. I was stiff and sore, I could barely pull myself up to get out of the bed. At this point I just became angry because this was definitely going to be a damper on the body challenge. My anger turned into frustration, why didn't I just listen to what my body was telling me and chill out on the workouts. And of course after the frustration came the feeling of defeat. I thought to myself I've been working and trying so hard to consistently work towards my goal and just like that I was down for the count. Feeling defeated is one of the worst feelings in the world because you also have this sense of hopelessness. Like why bother at this point anymore? I might as well just give up, obviously this is a sign that I should. 

The past three days I've been throwing a pity party for one and I am the guest of honor. Between the constant ice pack on my back and the binge watching of Netflix, giving up sure sounded like a good idea. But as I look back on the beginning of this journey I realized that quitting now would be the stupidest thing I could do. I will not stand defeated. I will overcome this. Of course, when I am recovered, I will head back to the gym. I will take things slow. I will not compare myself to those around me. And when my body starts talking, I will listen. I have to constantly remind myself that I am not where I want to be but I'm not where I use to be. So I won't give up. And don't you dare think about giving up either. You are were created for greatness, so go and answer your calling. 

-Allison Rose

Your Worst Enemy.

When people think of weight loss they usually connect it with the physical aspect of it but if you've ever had to lose a significant amount of weight you would understand that the mental aspect of this journey is just as, if not more, exhausting. You are in a constant battle with yourself. You accept the praise and compliments of those around you with hesitation because in the back of your mind all you can think about is your next goal you have set up and it feels like you will never get there. And although you love the support of your friends and family as they cheer you on for making this new lifestyle change you feel engulfed in guilt for letting yourself get this unhealthy. For me this has been the biggest struggle because as much I know I have an army standing behind me, I seem to be in this battle with myself because I am my own worst critic. It wasn't until later this week that I came across a quote and realized I need not only to take care of physical journey but the mental one as well. We are the biggest road blocks when it comes to our journeys, no matter what they be in life. We are the ones who set up the detours, the obstacles, the round a bouts and prolong what belongs to us. We must get out of our own way.

-Allison Rose

I Wouldn't Be Here If It Wasn't For You

Since I began this journey I have been so overwhelmed by all the support you all have shown me. It's very humbling to see how many people are standing behind on me and are rooting for me. Seriously it is such a blessing to have that reassurance with this army behind me. But I feel like I have to be honest with you all. You aren't my biggest motivators. There have a been a few people who have been pushing me even before I started this journey. They have been on my back for years even. But if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be here today. I wouldn't get out of bed every morning, although some days I dread it, and head to the gym if it wasn't for them. I wouldn't be making the changes in my eating habit if it wasn't for them. I don't think I would have this burning desire to accomplish everything if it wasn't for them.

So I want to say thank you to all the people who told me I wouldn't be able to accomplish this. To all the guys who never even gave me a chance because I didn't fit their size 0 requirement to be in a relationship with. To the girl who told she use to be just as fat as I was, and that I shouldn't feel bad about myself. Yes, that really happened. And yes I had to restrain myself from using some very colorful words with her. Thank you to all the people who have doubted me over the years. Here's to all the people who tell me I can't do something because I'm not thin enough, because I'm not girly enough, because I'm not pretty enough. And here's to all the people who have suggested that I should just settle. You are my biggest motivators and I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for you.

Although the words have left me hurt and the doubters have made me self conscious some days, my desire to accomplish this goal just grows and grows. It is a wild flame that can only tamed by doing what people have told me I can't do. And you can mark my words, I will accomplish my goal, no matter what setbacks or how long it will take. I think it's time we stop being ordinary and start living extraordinary.

-Allison Rose

Excuses, Excuses.

Do you ever just have those days where you will come up with literally any excuse not to go to the gym? You just make up the most ridiculous, out of this world reason as why there is no way in the whole entire universe that you can get out of bed, and go workout for a measly 60 minutes. Let me just share with you my pathetic version of this and how last Thursday went down. 

This past week seemed like the longest week of my life, and never ending might I add. My dad got married on Saturday, holler, and we just had so much going on leading up to the wedding. With family coming in and out of town my meal plan was out the window for the week and getting to the gym didn't always seem to make it as a top priority everyday. I don't think I have ever felt more pathetic than I did on Thursday morning before I went to the gym. Looking back on it, I laugh because if anyone had seen me and heard the excuses coming out of my mouth they would have laughed right at my face. So let try to paint this picture for you. 

5:30am and my alarm clock is going off. With a big grunt I roll over and turn off my alarm. As I'm laying in my bed starring at the ceiling, I think to myself, I didn't get enough sleep I shouldn't go to the class. I mean, if I go I wouldn't be working out to the best of my ability because I am so tired. It would be a waste of workout and I would just be mad I didn't work hard enough. No, I'm definitely not going, it's for the best. Five minutes later I throw myself up and sit at the end of my bed. I really shouldn't go, I should just stay home and sleep some more. I then proceeded to convince myself that my cracked heel was to big of an injury to workout. Just when you think I couldn't get more pathetic, I do. I walked around my room in my pajama boxers, tank top, and nikes testing to see if I could really workout with my cracked heel. I jogged in place, I bounced back and forth on each foot, and did a little side to side swift moves. It was at this point I myself finally realized how ridiculous I must look and sound. With 10 minutes to spare I threw on my workout clothes and made it just in time for the beginning of my class. 

If we put in half as much effort into changing out lifestyle as we do our excuses, we would be amazed at the wonders it would do for our body, mind, and soul. I realized that this is my biggest struggle standing between me and my goals. It is the bullish*t excuses I tell myself everyday that lead me off this lifestyle change. We have to decide that we are better, stronger, braver than any excuse we come up and when we stick to it, although some days we will feel like giving up, that it is oh so worth it. Believe me, there is no greater feeling than walking out of workout drenched in sweat, knowing you kicked some butt in your workout. 

-Allison Rose

All We Have Is Now.

So I decided that every Sunday I am going to post a new quote for the week that will be my theme. With that I will be writing what it means to me and how I will be applying it to my life. I hope you will join along & share with me your thoughts & how you will apply it to yours.   

As you all know, last week I finally went public with my weight loss journey and posted a progress picture of myself. My heart still anxiously races at the thought of that pictures being up on all my social media accounts but then I feel an overwhelming feeling of gratitude as I see all the amazing support I have gotten this far and for that I am so grateful. It's funny to me because I was so terrified of posting that picture, I thought no one would really care that much. To be honest, I actually turned off all my notifications when I uploaded it to instagram and that was after I had my friend Erica push the share button haha. I'm such a wuss. 

I told myself when I lose 50lbs I'll make my weight loss journey public. I mean, I had to make this extravagant entrance if I was going to share my story. And as time went on I kept coming up with more and more excuses. Maybe I'll post when I run a marathon, or maybe I'll share when I can wear a swimsuit, or maybe I'll share when I lose 100lbs. I kept waiting and trying to come up with the "perfect moment" to share. And then I came across this picture and it finally hit me. 

All we have is now. 

For far too many years, I came up with some of the most ridiculous excuses as to when I'll start exercising. I had this imagine in my mind that it had to be at the perfect time if I really wanted to see results. If I were to keep waiting for that moment, I would be waiting for the rest of my life and not be where I am today, 30lbs lighter, healthier and happier. 

Losing weight is hard and it sucks right now. I'm exhausted most days, I look like a complete mess when I walk out of a workout and almost everyday I want to give up. But I don't because I know if I don't make this change right now, then when? All we have is right now to make the lifestyle changes we need to make to live healthier lives. All we have is right now to chase the dreams that we have wanted since we were kids. All we have is right now because tomorrow is not promised. 

When you feel like giving up or walking away or throwing in the towel I hope you listen real heard for that little voice of courage inside of you that is telling not to quit. You are stronger than you know. You are more capable than you could imagine. You have what it takes and all it takes is right now. 

-Allison Rose

                        

I Finally Did It

My heart is still racing, my hands are a sweaty puddle, and my anxiety might be at an all time high. I cannot believe I just posted a picture of myself in my sports bra and workout pants on my instagram and Facebook. There is literally no turning back now, I mean it's on social media, that ish stays on there forever! But to be honest, there has been something so liberating about finally sharing my journey with my friends, family, and strangers, it's as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulder or my stomach in this case...see what I did there? haha I like to think I'm funny. But seriously, I feel like I can breath easier now that I don't have to be "ashamed" of this weight loss journey I have embarked on. When I think about it, I'm not ashamed of the changes I am making, I am more ashamed of the person who I let myself become, engulfed in gluttony. I have been carrying about this feeling of disappointment towards my family, friends, and mostly myself. How could I let myself get this unhealthy? But you know what, I am not going to dwell on the past because that's where it is and that's where it shall stay. I will only focus on the goals I have waiting for me to accomplish because I know that I can do anything with hard work and dedication. My whole life I have had teachers, coaches, parents, mentors push me to certain degrees but they can only push for so long. There is nothing I want more than to be healthy & lose this weight I have been carrying with me for far too long and I think that is why I am seeing results. I finally want this, for myself. I am finally pushing myself to something that is long overdue.

I also just want to take this moment to thank everyone so much for all the outrageous amount of encouragement I have received today from posting my pictures. You will never understand how motivating each and every comment and text is to me. I have been truly blessed with an amazing community of friends and family. I very excited to finally share this journey with you and cannot wait to see where this takes me. Thank you again for being my cheerleaders, my fans, my encouragement. You are all so very loved. I can't do this without you. 

-Allison Rose

To Detox or Not To Detox

That is the question.

This past weekend I went up to Williams, AZ with a family I've been nanny for for the past year and half. While in Williams I had this epiphany. It's a very simple really. And I when I think about, I'm kind of mad I didn't come to realization earlier. Do you want to know what it is? If I tell you that means you're going to have to be responsible for future actions. Okay, you ready? Here it is.

Eat Clean. Feel Good. 

So you're probably in some state of shock with this truth I just shared with you. It's okay, it hit me like a ton of bricks too. Like hello, why didn't anyone tell me before?! Okay, maybe I have heard this before but this time, I was actually really listening. I was listening to what my body has been trying to tell me for years. And I think it's time that I start doing what my body is telling. 

So let me give you a little background on how I came to this epiphany. For the past year in a half I have been nannying for a family that I am totally obsessed with. I have been so blessed by the Bathel's. They are two of the craziest, funniest, most caring, encouraging individuals I have had the privilege of knowing. Through them I have been recommended to other families to work with, and let me just say they have one amazing community. I hope when I am married, and have kids I can have a community like they do because it has been such an example to me. Well one thing I noticed about this community is that they really know how to take care of themselves physically and are teaching their kids those habits. Let me just say, I never had organic fruit snacks growing up or LARA Bars for that matter. I usually shared a Big Gulp and some sort of candy with my two older brothers.

So anyway, this past weekend I went up to Williams, AZ with the Bathel's to nanny as they & other families I work for prepared to host the Wild Canyon Games at Lost Canyon. As we left on Thursday morning I was on day 2 of a 15 day detox that I was all pumped up about and thought for sure I was going to finish with flying colors. By Friday night my detox was over as I indulged in some deliciously seasoned ground turkey. The rest of the weekend I enjoyed cucumbers with hummus, all natural peanut butter with bananas on whole grain toast, quesadillas on whole wheat tortilla's, vegetable soup, and I even had a couple handfuls of baked BBQ chips. Side note, we stayed in a cabin across camp with another family, and they're just as health conscious with their food, so I had a lot of yummy options to choose from this weekend. 

When I got home last night, I thought for sure I would have gained at least 5lbs because my detox was out the window after three days. Much to my surprise, very very surprised might I add, I had actually lost 5lbs. WOAH! How in the world did that happen?! I've been eating regular food all weekend and totally off track from my detox. This, my friends, is where my epiphany hit me. It finally was clicking. 

If you eat clean, healthy foods that are good for your body that aren't over processed, covered in sugar and fat, your body will be happy. It's that simple. It's all starting to make sense to me. The past few days I have been a little hard on myself with this weight loss journey but when I have these epiphanies, it makes for the journey a lot more exciting. This journey isn't just about working out, and seeing results. It's also very much about all the little habits I need to break, like the binge eating fast food, the countless Diet Cokes I get from McDonalds each week (that damn triple filter), the over eating when I am clearly full and implying the lifestyle change that needs to be made. 

Our bodies need to fuel to function properly, and if you feed it junk, its going to function like a piece junk. We need not only to live in our skin, but be kind to our skin. So come on and join me by making the choices, day by day, to eat clean and feel good. 

-Allison Rose