Stand Tall. Be Proud.

Growing up I always knew I was a little different from the crowd. While most kids were running around the playground, playing tag or getting into dirt, I glued myself to the swing set. Pumping and pumping my legs to the highest height possible, believing that any moment I could just shoot off into space and explore solar system that slept above us. I was the kid in the class that no matter what seat you moved me to I always got in trouble for becoming friends with my classmate & continually talking to them when I shouldn't be. I think by the end of every quarter my seat was somewhere in the back of the class where I was put by myself. I was the friend your parents got annoyed with at the sleepover because while everyone else knew how to use a quiet voice after 10pm I only had one volume, and it was loud, like really loud. I mean lets be honest, if we are friends now, you know I'm still pretty loud. I'm working on it. People's opinions have never really mattered to me either. I'm the friend who will ask for your opinion on an outfit and ultimately wear whatever I want because I like it, no matter how weird or unconventional others think it is. You tell me to do something one way, I will do it in just the opposite to show you it can be done. I like to be different. I like standing up against the status quo. 

A couple months before I started my weight loss journey I started noticing I wasn't the same person I use to be. I would spend a little longer in front of the mirror, turning every which way to make sure what I was looking at was real. I spent a little longer in the grocery line, flipping through the magazines, thinking how could I get my body like that. I no longer looked forward to the summer season of lying out to get tan and indulging in my favorite polar pop because it meant I would have to be in a bathing suit. The non existence whispers of passing people on the street, that I was oh so positive were talking about me, started to become louder and louder. I didn't like the person I was because she wasn't me. Somehow I became this girl who let the world push me down and kick dirt in my face. I let the media and pop culture dictate how I was suppose to look at myself, and according to them I should have been ashamed of who I was. I was defeated. But when it comes down to it, I think the biggest disappointment was in myself. Being this big, loud, bubbly personality who didn't take crap from no one, and there I was, walking with my head hanging low, dragging my feet. I had let the enemy win. This wasn't who I am. I was far from the role model I wanted to be to young girls if they ever came across my story. 

It wasn't until a week or two ago that I decided to take back my destiny. I was talking with a mom I work for, and she kept asking me how I was feeling about myself now that I had lost my first 50lbs, she was so excited for me. As I shrugged my shoulders, I kind of just brushed off the question with a subtle I guess so, not really, I still have a long way to go. She was so mad at me, and proceeded to yell at me for not taking more pride in how far I've come. I mean come on, I lost 50 freaking pounds, thats like a small toddler. She was right, I have come far because I'm not the same person I was 5 months ago. I've overcome hurdles I thought were impossible. I reached goals I thought were only attainable in my dreams. I kept going when all I wanted to do was quit. I have accomplished my biggest goal, I've gotten out of my own damn way. Although my journey is far from over, I don't think I could be more excited for what the future holds because for the first time, in a long time, I'm that loud, talkative, crazy, obnoxious, witty girl who is ready to take on the world again. So to my fellow dreamers, this one is for you. Stand tall, be proud of who you are and keep shooting for the moon, because even if you don't reach it, you'll land among the stars. 

-Allison Rose

First Goal; Accomplished!

When I first started out on my weight loss journey all I could think about was my overall goal, the ultimate number I wanted to lose, and most days I would feel defeated because that number was significantly high. And without telling you my starting weight, because I am still very embarrassed at how heavy I let myself get, I wanted to lose almost half my weight and that was very intimidating. Don't get me wrong, my weight loss goal has never changed I still want to lose the X amount of weight but the way I look at it has changed drastically. With some motivation and real talk with good friends I knew that if I was going to stick with this new journey and life change then I needed to reevaluate my goals and make them more realistic. So I told myself once I hit my first 50lbs I would buy myself a little something something. So here I am, 5 months later, 50lbs lighter, and I got a new pair of some pretty bad ass Nike's! Although I still have a long road ahead of me, there is still a part of me that thinks this is so surreal. Never in a million years would I have thought I would be here. I thought being fat & unhealthy was just who I was, how I was wired but then I realized I did this to my body, I created this "monster" but I also know I am the only one who can undo the damage. Yes, I'm still very awkward at accepting compliments, I still cringe a little at pictures that are posted of me on social media, I'm always having my friends reassure me they have seen a change and I'm still learning how to love & live in my skin but that's all part of the journey. I wouldn't be here without all the support from my family and friends, those who push me every day to do better. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart to all the people who have encouraged me every step of the way, it still means the world to me. From the super encouraging text messages to the ones holding me accountable to make sure I'm not falling back into bad habits, thank you. I'm not who I was 5 months ago and I wouldn't have it any other way...this is only the beginning my friends.

-Allison Rose

Don't You Dare Give Up.

Have you ever heard the phrase, don't bite off more than you can chew? Yeah, well this whole week I've felt like I've been choking because if it wasn't one thing or another. As you might know we started a 6-week body transformation challenge and I was super pumped about it. I've always been on the more competitive side, I mean I was put in organized sports when I was 8 years old, so my competitiveness started young.  To get my best results yet I thought I would up the amount of times I would go to the gym each week, seemed like a good idea. I told myself I would start going 6 days a week instead of the usual 3/4 days. I would totally see more results faster, and it could only help in this competition. The first week I think I went to 5 classes, I thought I was going to die. I was so tired, every single day. But I told myself I would push through it. And to add on top of that I started to notice my lower back was getting irritated but no pain, no gain right? I just ignored it and kept pushing myself. Over that weekend my back was getting more and more agitated, but I thought if I used a heating pad and took some ibuprofen I would be good. Obviously my body was telling me to slow down but I just kept pushing, I was fine, or so I thought.

On Monday we started week two of the challenge and I was still some what pumped about it, lets do this! Yeah, that ended when I slept through my alarm and missed my class. And of course, there I was trying to justify it by saying oh my back has been bad, so it's a good thing I missed the class. Oh, if only I had listened to myself and took another day off. The week went on and I went to my usual classes. I was in a little bit of a funk earlier of the week, but when I look back on it I should have just listened to my guts and more importantly the message my body was telling me. Friday morning, woke up ready for my classes, got dressed and headed out the door. When I walked in I was informed that I had actually signed up for the 8am class, not the 9am one but they let me in the class anyway. They said if everyone showed who signed up for the class, they would just pull me out. She would rather pull me out than have me miss the first 15 minutes of the class. All the treadmills were taken so I made my way to the rower. I strapped myself in and began. One row. Two row. Three row. Four row. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. My lower back went tight. I mean so freaking tight. With the pain hitting me all of a sudden I did that whole thing, where you kinda jump up, and attempt to walk if off. Like hello, that doesn't work, this wasn't going to go away by walking it off. I went into the lobby and sat down. That's when the tears started flowing. Yes it hurt that bad. And I think I was also scared because I literally could not move with this excruciating pain going all through my lower back. 

After 30 minutes of icing it and having one of the front desk attendees trying to calm me down, I waddled my way out to my car and drove home. I have never been more uncomfortable driving a car than I did in that moment. I dread making those right hand turns. I finally got home and with some final tears drying up headed to my bed with an ice pack and a muscle relaxer. Toss and turning I finally found a "comfortable" position and fell asleep. Lets be honest, I thank the relaxer for helping me pass out. I woke up expecting to feel better but no, I was far from it. I was stiff and sore, I could barely pull myself up to get out of the bed. At this point I just became angry because this was definitely going to be a damper on the body challenge. My anger turned into frustration, why didn't I just listen to what my body was telling me and chill out on the workouts. And of course after the frustration came the feeling of defeat. I thought to myself I've been working and trying so hard to consistently work towards my goal and just like that I was down for the count. Feeling defeated is one of the worst feelings in the world because you also have this sense of hopelessness. Like why bother at this point anymore? I might as well just give up, obviously this is a sign that I should. 

The past three days I've been throwing a pity party for one and I am the guest of honor. Between the constant ice pack on my back and the binge watching of Netflix, giving up sure sounded like a good idea. But as I look back on the beginning of this journey I realized that quitting now would be the stupidest thing I could do. I will not stand defeated. I will overcome this. Of course, when I am recovered, I will head back to the gym. I will take things slow. I will not compare myself to those around me. And when my body starts talking, I will listen. I have to constantly remind myself that I am not where I want to be but I'm not where I use to be. So I won't give up. And don't you dare think about giving up either. You are were created for greatness, so go and answer your calling. 

-Allison Rose

Your Worst Enemy.

When people think of weight loss they usually connect it with the physical aspect of it but if you've ever had to lose a significant amount of weight you would understand that the mental aspect of this journey is just as, if not more, exhausting. You are in a constant battle with yourself. You accept the praise and compliments of those around you with hesitation because in the back of your mind all you can think about is your next goal you have set up and it feels like you will never get there. And although you love the support of your friends and family as they cheer you on for making this new lifestyle change you feel engulfed in guilt for letting yourself get this unhealthy. For me this has been the biggest struggle because as much I know I have an army standing behind me, I seem to be in this battle with myself because I am my own worst critic. It wasn't until later this week that I came across a quote and realized I need not only to take care of physical journey but the mental one as well. We are the biggest road blocks when it comes to our journeys, no matter what they be in life. We are the ones who set up the detours, the obstacles, the round a bouts and prolong what belongs to us. We must get out of our own way.

-Allison Rose

I Wouldn't Be Here If It Wasn't For You

Since I began this journey I have been so overwhelmed by all the support you all have shown me. It's very humbling to see how many people are standing behind on me and are rooting for me. Seriously it is such a blessing to have that reassurance with this army behind me. But I feel like I have to be honest with you all. You aren't my biggest motivators. There have a been a few people who have been pushing me even before I started this journey. They have been on my back for years even. But if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be here today. I wouldn't get out of bed every morning, although some days I dread it, and head to the gym if it wasn't for them. I wouldn't be making the changes in my eating habit if it wasn't for them. I don't think I would have this burning desire to accomplish everything if it wasn't for them.

So I want to say thank you to all the people who told me I wouldn't be able to accomplish this. To all the guys who never even gave me a chance because I didn't fit their size 0 requirement to be in a relationship with. To the girl who told she use to be just as fat as I was, and that I shouldn't feel bad about myself. Yes, that really happened. And yes I had to restrain myself from using some very colorful words with her. Thank you to all the people who have doubted me over the years. Here's to all the people who tell me I can't do something because I'm not thin enough, because I'm not girly enough, because I'm not pretty enough. And here's to all the people who have suggested that I should just settle. You are my biggest motivators and I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for you.

Although the words have left me hurt and the doubters have made me self conscious some days, my desire to accomplish this goal just grows and grows. It is a wild flame that can only tamed by doing what people have told me I can't do. And you can mark my words, I will accomplish my goal, no matter what setbacks or how long it will take. I think it's time we stop being ordinary and start living extraordinary.

-Allison Rose

Excuses, Excuses.

Do you ever just have those days where you will come up with literally any excuse not to go to the gym? You just make up the most ridiculous, out of this world reason as why there is no way in the whole entire universe that you can get out of bed, and go workout for a measly 60 minutes. Let me just share with you my pathetic version of this and how last Thursday went down. 

This past week seemed like the longest week of my life, and never ending might I add. My dad got married on Saturday, holler, and we just had so much going on leading up to the wedding. With family coming in and out of town my meal plan was out the window for the week and getting to the gym didn't always seem to make it as a top priority everyday. I don't think I have ever felt more pathetic than I did on Thursday morning before I went to the gym. Looking back on it, I laugh because if anyone had seen me and heard the excuses coming out of my mouth they would have laughed right at my face. So let try to paint this picture for you. 

5:30am and my alarm clock is going off. With a big grunt I roll over and turn off my alarm. As I'm laying in my bed starring at the ceiling, I think to myself, I didn't get enough sleep I shouldn't go to the class. I mean, if I go I wouldn't be working out to the best of my ability because I am so tired. It would be a waste of workout and I would just be mad I didn't work hard enough. No, I'm definitely not going, it's for the best. Five minutes later I throw myself up and sit at the end of my bed. I really shouldn't go, I should just stay home and sleep some more. I then proceeded to convince myself that my cracked heel was to big of an injury to workout. Just when you think I couldn't get more pathetic, I do. I walked around my room in my pajama boxers, tank top, and nikes testing to see if I could really workout with my cracked heel. I jogged in place, I bounced back and forth on each foot, and did a little side to side swift moves. It was at this point I myself finally realized how ridiculous I must look and sound. With 10 minutes to spare I threw on my workout clothes and made it just in time for the beginning of my class. 

If we put in half as much effort into changing out lifestyle as we do our excuses, we would be amazed at the wonders it would do for our body, mind, and soul. I realized that this is my biggest struggle standing between me and my goals. It is the bullish*t excuses I tell myself everyday that lead me off this lifestyle change. We have to decide that we are better, stronger, braver than any excuse we come up and when we stick to it, although some days we will feel like giving up, that it is oh so worth it. Believe me, there is no greater feeling than walking out of workout drenched in sweat, knowing you kicked some butt in your workout. 

-Allison Rose

I Finally Did It

My heart is still racing, my hands are a sweaty puddle, and my anxiety might be at an all time high. I cannot believe I just posted a picture of myself in my sports bra and workout pants on my instagram and Facebook. There is literally no turning back now, I mean it's on social media, that ish stays on there forever! But to be honest, there has been something so liberating about finally sharing my journey with my friends, family, and strangers, it's as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulder or my stomach in this case...see what I did there? haha I like to think I'm funny. But seriously, I feel like I can breath easier now that I don't have to be "ashamed" of this weight loss journey I have embarked on. When I think about it, I'm not ashamed of the changes I am making, I am more ashamed of the person who I let myself become, engulfed in gluttony. I have been carrying about this feeling of disappointment towards my family, friends, and mostly myself. How could I let myself get this unhealthy? But you know what, I am not going to dwell on the past because that's where it is and that's where it shall stay. I will only focus on the goals I have waiting for me to accomplish because I know that I can do anything with hard work and dedication. My whole life I have had teachers, coaches, parents, mentors push me to certain degrees but they can only push for so long. There is nothing I want more than to be healthy & lose this weight I have been carrying with me for far too long and I think that is why I am seeing results. I finally want this, for myself. I am finally pushing myself to something that is long overdue.

I also just want to take this moment to thank everyone so much for all the outrageous amount of encouragement I have received today from posting my pictures. You will never understand how motivating each and every comment and text is to me. I have been truly blessed with an amazing community of friends and family. I very excited to finally share this journey with you and cannot wait to see where this takes me. Thank you again for being my cheerleaders, my fans, my encouragement. You are all so very loved. I can't do this without you. 

-Allison Rose