A year ago I was sitting in my car, just after leaving the
weight loss specialist, feeling completely & utterly defeated. I had let
myself get so overweight that I thought surgery was the only option, so I ended
up speaking with some doctors only to find out that I needed to consistently
meet with them for about 5 months, being monitored, before my insurance would
even considering giving me coverage for the procedure. They even warned me
that a lot of insurance companies don’t cover these kinds of things. I needed a
fix, and I needed it right then and there. I felt as if I would never escape
the hell that I had created around my body. Beyond discouraged, I found the
last bit of will to get healthy. As difficult as it was, and believe me, it was
excruciating at times, I picked myself, and decided not to look back, and get
myself right.
There have been days of doubts, where the demons tells me I
can’t accomplish this, that I have gotten too far to make real change. There
have been days where it took every ounce of energy to get myself out of bed and
to a training session. The days where I wanted to throw in the towel and just
give up because I didn’t think this type of change was possible. But through
the struggle, through what seemed like defeats, there have been days of
victory. There were days when I stepped on the scale and I couldn’t believe I
reached goals I had set for myself. Days where I blew myself away at the
strength I have found in myself. There were days where I found my self worth,
not in what I looked like but in who I was as person, and dammit I am a
warrior.
I think the biggest change I’ve seen in myself is my
confidence. I am confident because I can admit who I am, what I’ve done, and
love myself for who I have become and who I am becoming. And if you anyone
thinks for a second that I shouldn’t be confident because of my size, well I’ll
be the first to tell them to eff off. I’m not doing this for anyone but myself.
As I like to say, I’m doing this for me boo boo. A year ago if would have told
me I could run on the treadmill without loosing my breath, or that I would be into
weight training, I probably would have made some sort of fat joke and laughed it off. I definitely wouldn't have believed you if said I would be almost 70lbs lighter. A
year ago I wasn’t the same person I am today and I couldn’t be more thankful
for that. This is still only the beginning my friends, thank you for all your
support. I can’t wait to see what the next 365 days bring. You are loved, live
in your skin because it is damn beautiful.
